Sunday, 1 December 2019

Don't look back!

I have to say a heartfelt 'good riddance' to November! What a thoroughly horrible month!!!

I stood in our field a couple of nights ago and the sight of the new moon filled me with absolute relief that the month had come to an end and a new one was beginning! I had a good cry and then walked around the farm in the dark thanking my blessings for what I have here and now in my hands.

November was a month of confrontations and saying goodbye to toxic relationships. I wish people had walked away with grace, but there were some unpleasant scenes, most notably from the two women who turned up at a Christmas fair and verbally attacked me. I looked at one and wondered how I'd ever considered her a friend, the other I never liked!

Moving here has stirred up a lot of emotions for people who knew me before, resentment seems to be the big cause. Facebook is another, I fear. Of course I mostly talk about the good things that are happening, who on earth wants to read about how difficult it is to force myself out of bed some days. I'll say that I have a cold when in fact my body has seized up so much that I'm hobbling around until nearly lunchtime because I don't want to bring people down with my pain. Of course, that backfired when I cancelled a lunch date and was reminded that I  'Only had a cold'!!!

People are very odd and for now I'm happy to be without friends, especially as I seem to be lousy at picking or keeping them! It's fine all the time you behave the way they want you to, but the minute you say no, well, that's when it kicks off!!!  I'm trying not to feel lonely but I'm missing my children immensely. What I have realised is that in my rush to avoid missing them I made some bad friend choices, but that won't happen again!

I've been in the studio a lot lately and it's the perfect antidote to drama :D